The Varnishing Days is the heart-stopping, glasses-dropping, hard-rocking, wig-shaking, levothyroxine-taking, knee-knocking, boot-licking, justifying, teeth rattling, digressing new show from stand up comedian to the stars John Kearns.

Go silent as I walk on! Acknowledge when something funny happens! Leave discussing dinner plans! Others will be implicated. Points will be circled and missed. Hell, it’s a man trying his best! When I visit your town dogs will start barking, as will clergy. Your microwave will go haywire. The lights in your vestibule will flicker and the Bank of England will nervously look at interest rates. On the day I write this, the pound has hit an all time low against the dollar. Mark my words. This show will break that record again and again and again.

“There is something quite magical about the world John Kearns creates… exquisite to watch.” Alice Jones, The i ★★★★

“Kearns’ poised, poetic stream of consciousness is the whirring logic of a very funny man with a profound understanding of the human condition.” Jay Richardson, The Scotsman ★★★★

“damn funny… An hour of this unique act, exquisite but robust, is more rewarding than any arena stand-up” Steve Bennett, Chortle ★★★★ ½

Bruce Dessau, Evening Standard ★★★★★ | Dominic Maxwell, The Times ★★★★ | Brian Logan, The Guardian ★★★★ | Mark Monahan, The Telegraph ★★★★ | John Nicholson, The Mirror ★★★★★ | Alice Jones, The i ★★★★ | Sharon Lougher, Metro ★★★★ | Ben Williams, Time Out ★★★★ | Steve Bennett, Chortle ★★★★★ | Veronica Lee, The Arts Desk ★★★★ | Jay Richardson, The Scotsman ★★★★ | Rebecca Cross, Sydney Morning Herald ★★★★